Steps Toward Recovery
If you are visiting this page because
you suspect that you have an eating disorder, I commend
you. You have taken a first step toward recovery. Before
you will be able to fully recover from your disorder,
you will need to go through several phases or steps.
The first is recognizing that you have a problem and
admitting it to yourself and to others. This first step
is very difficult; particularly because the person with
an eating disorder has grown used to allowing his or
her conduct to be controlled by denial and pride. Confiding
in too many people can bring up feelings of personal
threat as you begin to imagine what other's are thinking
about you, You may begin interpreting their "normal"
behaviors toward you as becoming controlling and manipulative.
These fears and feelings are rarely based in valid truth.
And when personal control is the metaphor for the eating
disorder it can often feel as if the most gracious actions
of others are actually ploys to take your control away;
and that type of thought process can lead to the anorexic
or Bulimic becoming even more paranoid and more insistent
that their way is the only way. When the brain
is starved, it begins to fall into a mental state that
cuts of some of its functionality such as cognitive
reasoning, in order to stay in survive mode. Consequently,
When one's brain is starved the anorexic patient is
no longer capable of making decisions that require reasoning
and abstract thinking skills, as they are temporarily
shut down. The Patient needs first and foremost to be
willing to learn about what she is missing cognitively
because of her starving brain, If and when she truly
begins to understand her self imposed limitations, she
is then in a place where she can choose to begin to
heal what is broken, or not.
Pride & Vanity is
what keeps you from seeking help. But
underneath that vanity is a much more deeply rooted
feeling going on that may have it's roots into the very
depths of one's soul - and that is FEAR! Fear
of loosing control, fear of getting fat, but most importantly,
fear of realizing that without your eating disorder,
you have no redeeming value to yourself or to the world.
And with that the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
feel very heavy and dark. Admitting to significant others
that there is a problem will not come until you can
see and accept that your core fears are what needs to
be dealt with. Denial is the defense mechanism
that allows one to rationalize or minimize the severity
of, their situation. Pride also is a major player
in the idea of looking "socially acceptable"
or "socially superior." Embracing this first
step is often one of the most difficult, but it is the
most crucial.
Once you have admitted that you have a problem
and have overcome the feelings that has prevented you
from seeking help in the past, the next step is to allow
yourself to "receive" help. This requires
being teachable, and being willing to try new things,
even though it is difficult. When someone develops any
type of compulsion or habit that has become a way of
life, it can feel uncomfortable and threatening to accept
that there is a different way of doing things that is
more productive than what you've grown used to. In other
words, change is difficult. Even when, deep down we
know that the new plan is the best way out, it is very
difficult to let go of old, habitual ways of dealing
with life, especially when we have been rewarded in
some way for our maladaptive behaviors. It is difficult
to make the decision to replace old behaviors with new
and unfamiliar behaviors, but is essential to growth,
and healing.
Part of having an eating disorder is feeling a lack
of power in one's life; experiencing or feeling
a lack of control over the direction one's life
is going. Becoming entrenched in an eating disorder,
at first, feels like we are taking control over one
aspect of our life. Unfortunately, it eventually begins
to control us, and the original feeling is perpetuated,
and the cycle continues.
The next step is realizing that
life is a series of choices. You choose to become involved
in many of the events that led to developing an eating
disorder and you can choose to work your way out of
it. Believing anything less is choosing to remain powerless,
a victim of society, genetics, and every other influence
in your life. Before you can begin to extricate yourself
you need to choose to take back your power, regain control
of your life, and stop choosing the victim role as a
way to live your life. Remember, the
choices you make today determine your tomorrow. It is
great to read self help books, but they cannot cure
you. You can't just read about change, you have to create
change in your life. And that takes a plan including
steps you agree to take everyday of your live for as
long as you must.
Unfortunately, the solution is very simple, but putting
that solution into practice is very hard. However you
must always remember that you are capable of doing hard
things!
This step involves many steps. It includes developing
your a.)Self image, b.)Self esteem c.)Self worth and
d.)Self-confidence. If you feel that you are lacking
in any of these areas, then those issues need to be
attended to. A therapist who understands that food is
NOT the issue can be a great help, especially if there
is a history of childhood trauma of any kind.
Once you have realized and accepted the fact that you
have the power to control your life; that you have made
choices and can continue to make better choices for
yourself, the next step is to prepare a list of the
areas in your life that you would like some control
over; those things which you would like to change. Be
sure to include items from all areas of your life, not
food related issues. It is also a good ides to gradate
the list from easy to difficult, or short term to long
term, or less frightening to most frightening. Include
items that you feel confidant with, that you can accomplish
quickly. For example: "I would like to dye my hair
a lighter shade of brown."
As you might guess, the next step is to learn the
steps to positive and effective change. Having these
simpler items on your list is a way to begin to feel
the positive effects of having made some change in your
life. It is important that you have several successes
before tackling a larger change in your life so that
you will begin to feel successful and capable of making
changes in your life. The more you accomplish, the better
you will feel about yourself, and the easier it will
be to go onto more challenging items on your list.
People with eating disorders often have a history of
setting unrealistic expectations for themselves (i.e.
I won't be happy unless I get all "A's". This
may be a defense against feeling the pressures that
come with to success. When we set our goals too high,
subconsciously we doubt that we will be able to accomplish
them. We tell ourselves that we are being a successful
person because we have such high goals, when actually
we are setting ourselves up for failure. An all-or-nothing
attitude is common. I once knew a woman who set her
educational goal at obtaining a Ph.D. She was so tightly
focused on that goal that she could not bring herself
to enroll into a masters degree program (generally an
interim step toward a Ph.D. program) she said "I
don't want to get a MASTERS degree because I'm afraid
I'll sell myself short of my ultimate goal." The
reality was that she was shooting herself in the foot,
and preventing herself from reaching her goal.
Steps Toward Making
Changes - Take the Bulimia
Assessment Test
Change
is difficult, but not impossible. You can do anything
you make your mind up to do. It simply or not so simply,
requires three things: 1.
commitment, 2. commitment
and 3. commitment. Throw
a little tenacity into the mix and you can accomplish
your fondest dreams,
I am often confronted by a client who claims that they
"will do anything" to loose weight, or to
stop purging or to stop loosing weight. I always respond
with the following comment. "That's great! Then
there is no problem." Perplexed, they generally
come back with, "What do you mean there is no problem?"
And I reply, "If you are willing to "Do ANYTHING,"
then you are willing to stop," (overeating, purging
or starving, etc.). Inevitably their comment is, "It's
not that easy!" They are right. It isn't that easy,
but it is possible, and it will happen when the person
is TRULY willing to "do anything," including
giving their fears a back seat to positive and healthy
changes.
After the above mentioned steps have been taken, you
are ready to make a change. At this point, the only
thing stopping you is YOU. If this statement makes you
angry or if you find yourself feeling guilty by it,
take a look through the previous steps and figure out
which ones you have not fully accepted or worked through
yet. When you are through come back and we'll start
again. Taking a great deal of personal responsibility
is essential and until you have let go of your (previously
coveted) victim role, you will still come up against
walls in your attempts to change.
As previously mentioned, change is a choice. The greatest
therapist in the world cannot change you. Materialistic
motivations cannot change you. Only you can change you.
There are, however several stumbling blocks that may
be in the way that may be preventing you from reaching
that point where you are ready to make the necessary
commitments to personal change.
- Low sense of self-worth
- Lack of self-confidence
- Lack of commitment
Without these, the desired changes, if achieved at all,
will not be permanent. How often have you heard someone
say they have lost the same 20 pounds a dozen times?
Part of their inability to accomplish a permanent change
is due to a lack of these three elements. They may have
a strong desire, but desire without complete commitment
is only a hope. They may be able to set clear goals,
but goals not backed by internal motivation and self
confidence is only a wish.
Beyond The Symptoms
Eating disorders are a symptom of a greater problem,
a problem that may have been covered up and ignored
for so long that it has been forgotten. This problem
may also be a foundation for your lack of self-esteem
and self-confidence. It may be the root of your misplaced
fears as well. Therefore, before you can expect to permanent
change to happen, you need to do a great deal of introspection,
and dig up these old wounds. The core of all the pain
that has paved the road for your eating disorder has
to be unearthed and dealt with.
This is not to say that you cannot begin to change
without doing this. I am saying that without this step,
it is highly unlikely that you will have obtained the
esteem and confidence needed to make a permanent commitment
to change. This is where therapy is very useful, but
it must be with a therapist that understands that focusing
on food is NOT the path toward recovery.
Once you have come to a point where you are ready to
make changes in your lifestyle, to begin to eliminate
your unhealthy relationship around food, there are several
steps that will enable you to successfully change.
Commitment - The Key
Commitment is the key. A person who claims to be committed
to loosing weight, but later, gives in to temptation,
has not truly committed. They have only "wished"
to loose the weight. They have in fact made the choice
that the cake or the double cheese pizza was more important
than reaching their goal. Their highest priority was
to continue to hide the pain, to feed the disorder and
to, once again, disappoint oneself.
It is true, that when people are beginning to heal,
it sometimes feels very painful. That is because they
have chosen to experience their feelings instead of
stuffing them back down with food, or purging themselves
of them or depriving themselves of them. Once you give
up the behavior that has kept you from "feeling,"
you will begin to feel things that you may not have
experienced in a long time. This can be a very uncomfortable,
but necessary process. And the longer it has been since
you have truly been with your feelings the stranger
it will seem. You will survive! Your feelings will not
overcome you! Learning to experience your feeling on
a daily basis will eventually feel normal; and it will
be far less painful than it seems when you first begin
the process.
Mindset
This is the part of commitment that many fail to include
in their plan. Without it the change will be only temporary.
Begin by writing down what your goals are. Separate
them into long range, short range and immediate goals.
Then next to each goal, write what hidden fear is associated
with it. For example: If the immediate goal is to stop
buying laxatives; the associated fear might be, "I'm
afraid that without them I'll bloat," or "I've
been doing this for so long, I'm afraid of what I will
do when I discover that I look and feel better without
them; I'll have to admit that I was wrong."
Now that you have a list, make a note describing what
positive behavior you choose to replace the old, unhealthy
one. For example, you might mention that instead of
taking laxatives, you will include a bowl of bran cereal
into your new, well balanced diet. Or, if that sounds
too awful, you might decide to replace taking laxatives
with giving yourself a foot massage every day at the
same time you normally would have taken the laxatives.
Be creative, be healthy and choose things that boost
your self esteem and create positive changes.
The next step is to make the commitment. If you are
ready, this will not be difficult. Choose one of the
simpler items on your short-range list. Then create
a positive visualization where you can see yourself
successfully eliminating the poor habit and replacing
it with something constructive. Imagine that you are
relaxed, content, and as you visualize your success,
experience a boundless joy, feel yourself confidence
and self esteem swell. Imagine what you will feel like
and how you will behave when your self-esteem strong
and healthy.
Another exercise to help you maintain your commitment
is to awake each morning and immediately find something
about yourself that you like. Then create an affirmation
for yourself where you tell yourself how happy you are
that you have that quality or talent. Refrain from making
these affirmations around food or eating patterns.
As you commit to a particular change, write it down,
say it out loud ("Today I commit myself to changing
..." whatever.) Then when the temptation comes
(and it will), recommit. Say it again, even out loud
if you need to. Keep your list handy and read it over.
Ask yourself, "What are my priorities? What shape
do I want to be in next year at this time?
In the end, what it all boils down to is choice;
taking responsibility for your life and the course
you take, and committing to yourself. The formula is
very simple. Not easy, but simple. It is dealing with
the demons that have gotten you where you are that is
most difficult. It is committing to deal with the pain
that has previously been ignored that is difficult
For those who are severely anorectic, whose body weight
is much lower than 85% of what is healthy for their
height and build, it is extremely important that you
get medical help. People die from anorexia. Denial is
a major player in the disorder. Feeling "fat"
when your not, comparing yourself to others compulsively,
feeling bad about yourself unless you loose another
8 ounces; it is all part of the denial controlling you.
Anorexia
is not about looks...It is about feeling bad about yourself.
GET HELP!
National
Resources
For additional information on eating disorders, check
local hospitals or university medical centers for an eating
disorders clinic, or contact the following for help and
information:
- National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated
Disorders (ANAD)
P.O. Box 7
Highland Park, IL 60035
(708) 831-3438
- Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders, Inc.
(ANRED)
PO Box 5102
Eugene, OR 97405
(503) 344-1144
- American Anorexia/Bulimia Association, Inc. (AABA)
425 East 61st Street, 6th Floor
New York, NY 10021
(212) 891-8686
- Center for the Study of Anorexia and Bulimia
1 West 91st Street
New York, NY 10024
(212) 595-3449
- National Eating Disorder Organization
445 East Grandille Road
Worthington, OH 43085
(614) 436-1112
- For information on Eating Disorders Awareness Week,
contact:
Eating Disorder Awareness & Prevention Inc.
603 Stewart Street, Suite 803
Seattle, WA 98101
(206) 382-3587
- For information on other mental disorders, contact:
Information Resources and Inquiries Branch
National Institute of Mental Health
5600 Fishers Lane, Room 7C-02
Rockville, MD 20857
